its been a while since i've updated this
and things have changed and other things remained the same
i'm smoking way too much cigarettes and i'm not very creative
winter bugs the shit out of me
i hate it
i wish the sun would warm me and the trees would green again
a tiny little blossom is growing in my heart cause i met someone
and i'm scared this will also go horribly wrong after my last relationship broke not only my heart but also my trust in love in general
so i'm very careful with that little blossom and i try not to jinx it by talking too much about it
love...
makes ma feel like i'm a kid again
and seeing things with brand new eyes
also makes me scared shitless wanting so bad to erase all the bad memories and overcome the fear of losing that feeling again
i'm a very intense person
i'm ruled by my feelings
the good and the bad ones
and when my heart is broken i'm hardly able to survive
there've been times it nearly killed me
i'm a sucker for love
and i know thats no good
but arent we all in some kind of way?
what else makes life really woth living?
love can come in many forms and shapes tho
and i also like being on my own from time totime
cause i love my self a lot
and i'm always worried if someone else can love me so much
some of my friends even tell my i'm stonecold
but i'm not
i'm just the way life made me
and i am lovely
in so many ways
and i can give a lot of love

ya know
i suffer from several mental problems
like depression aand a mild form of schizophrenia and bdd and whatever else they told me
and i try to do whatever necessary to get along
and to get well
and then again
i am what i am
and it makes me special
who is mentally healthy these days?